she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
