apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
