I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
