Texts From Last Night

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  (352): View more from Florida

  Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.

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  (352): Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want. http://tfl.nu/d61s
  Replies (36) Good night (4583) Bad night (723)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.

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  (865): he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers. http://tfl.nu/fhwb
  Replies (48) Good night (5251) Bad night (926)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.

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  (386): totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen. http://tfl.nu/yxbj
  Replies (43) Good night (2814) Bad night (1026)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  the snow is so cold on my vagina.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  why do you have snow on your vagina?

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  vodka and heels.

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  (580): the snow is so cold on my vagina. (405): why do you have snow on your vagina? (580): vodka and heels. http://tfl.nu/uvnf
  Replies (45) Good night (6210) Bad night (1329)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her

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  (570): you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her http://tfl.nu/jaz5
  Replies (39) Good night (8516) Bad night (1358)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.

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  (513): I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again. http://tfl.nu/s5qg
  Replies (9) Good night (1431) Bad night (3481)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.

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  (715): That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile. http://tfl.nu/lpc5
  Replies (8) Good night (1771) Bad night (947)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own

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  (519): his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own http://tfl.nu/8vl5
  Replies (11) Good night (1678) Bad night (3556)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.

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  (709): got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets. http://tfl.nu/3ghg
  Replies (2) Good night (1459) Bad night (637)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.

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  (717): Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself. http://tfl.nu/4nxp
  Replies (10) Good night (2030) Bad night (705)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.

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  (765): Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that. http://tfl.nu/51k0
  Replies (20) Good night (1568) Bad night (398)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now

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  (609): I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now http://tfl.nu/txwa
  Replies (5) Good night (477) Bad night (215)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?

  (1-830): View more from Texas

  Jeans and a nice top.

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  (830): So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law? (1-830): Jeans and a nice top. http://tfl.nu/z19e
  Replies (3) Good night (644) Bad night (339)
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  (626): View more from California

  Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?

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  (626): Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child? http://tfl.nu/0p9q
  Replies (3) Good night (683) Bad night (210)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.

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  (519): I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest. http://tfl.nu/lsvd
  Replies (2) Good night (450) Bad night (200)

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