I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
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Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
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Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"