Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES