You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
