If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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