I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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