addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
