Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
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as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
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I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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