it was like eating out sand paper
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
