I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize