Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
