hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
