I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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