5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
