hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
