i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
