i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
