Kiss
Puke
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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