$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
