I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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