they need to just BURY HIM!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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