my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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