and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
