it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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