I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
