So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize