Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
