you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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