I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
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So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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