i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
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nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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