Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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