a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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