i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
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My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
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we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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