My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
