I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize