so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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