I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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