My Higher Power is John Stamos
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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