So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
