Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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