he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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