The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
