I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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