I am spending my child support on dildos
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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