The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
