I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Let's paint friendship bongs
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
