If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
