If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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