I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize