I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
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Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
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I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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