At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize