I accidentally burped into my bong.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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