Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
