despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
