Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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