I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
