When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
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fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
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I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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