I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
