My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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